Proud grandparents: Grandparents and adoption

One of the greatest of experiences in life is becoming a grandparent, even if it comes through unconventional means. Grandparents whose children adopt have a wonderful chance to welcome a brand new person into their family.

As with all major life changes, adoption is both a wonderful and challenging experience, filled with excitement, adjustment and joy. This is no less true for the grandparents, as they watch their own beloved children dealing with all the emotions that come with adopting a child.

Here are some tips to consider if you are becoming a grandparent through adoption:

• Be a partner in parenting, taking your cues from the parent and respecting that the parent is in charge. While you certainly can share your wisdom and experience, remember that your son or daughter will need to find their own way — just as you did when you were a new parent.
• People are fascinated by adoption, and this fascination can lead well-meaning friends and neighbors to pose very personal questions. Remember that a child’s adoption story is akin to a conception story. It is private, and one should consult with the adopted person before sharing the details.
• If a grandchild is coming from another country, grandparents can research the culture and history of that country and pass along information to their adult child. Your adult child will appreciate the enthusiasm!
• Avoid trying to steer your adult children in any way. Support their decisions and let them know that you will love your grandchild unconditionally.
• Don’t give advice when it isn’t asked for. Let your adult children experience the process and don’t bring up every negative story that you’ve seen on TV or in a movie.
• Remember, throughout, that your grandchildren are connected to you and to the family. They may not look a lot like you or your child, but they will develop similar voice patterns, talents, tastes, and interests.