As I wrote about last week, we have the reins regarding how we execute our Grandparents’ Rights and Responsibilities. One of the most significant challenges is to adjust to the age-appropriate interaction with each Grandchild. It is different with the very young, the middle young, the tweens, and the teens. When my granddaughters were around ten, they were regular ole Chatty Cathy’s. Not so much with my grandson at that age. I can assure you it isn’t easy.
Let me set the stage a bit. I am so blessed that one of the three will call me each Sunday morning on the way to church. Oh, Happy Day! They then pass the phone around so I can talk with each of them. It goes something like this. My teen granddaughter will call, and she is an outgoing, gregarious child and usually has something she wants to share with me. Next is my tween granddaughter, and she is a little quieter, so I usually ask about her time with her best friend, which opens the conversation a bit. Last (always) is my ten-year-old grandson, who gets on the phone, and I usually say something like, “How is your week going”? Sileeeeeence….
Let me set the stage a bit. I am so blessed that one of the three will call me each Sunday morning on the way to church. Oh, Happy Day! They then pass the phone around so I can talk with each of them. It goes something like this. My teen granddaughter will call, and she is an outgoing, gregarious child and usually has something she wants to share with me. Next is my tween granddaughter, and she is a little quieter, so I usually ask about her time with her best friend, which opens the conversation a bit. Last (always) is my ten-year-old grandson, who gets on the phone, and I usually say something like, “How is your week going”? Sileeeeeence….
I try again, “Did you have a good week at school this week”? Yeah!………… This is when I pull out all the stops and say something like, “I was bragging about your taking that extra Math course and doing so well. My friend said she wished her grandkids liked Math. I told her I was truly a lucky Grandpa”. To which I get, “Well, Grandpa, we are pulling into the parking lot, so I better go. I say I Love YOu and was glad to talk with you”. This may sound familiar to some of you, and I encourage you to keep up the excellent work. It is not my grandson’s job to keep me connected to him; it is mine.
One of the techniques I read about is to mine the parents for information about what each of your Grands is interested in and what they are doing. This provides several benefits. It indeed makes the conversations go more smoothly, but it also communicates to the child that they are important enough that you talk about them with the parents. Another benefit is asking the parents periodically if there are any subjects, etc., that you can reinforce for them. One of Dale Carnegie’s principles is “Take interest in others’ interests.”
I call it the Can Opener technique. Once you find that magic subject, you can build on that.
Let me reiterate, It isn’t easy, but the rewards are many for both of you.
Thank You for being a Caring Grandparent
These conversations are priceless. For more ideas on deepening that relationship, see our best grandparenting books list.
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