How to Be a Better Grandparent: The Complete Guide

Every grandparent wants to matter in their grandchildren’s lives. You want to be the one they call first with good news, the one they run to for advice, the one they remember with a smile decades from now.

But grandparenting has changed. The world is faster, more digital, and more complex than ever. Boundaries are different. Family structures are different. The challenges are real.

This guide brings together decades of experience from Neil Taft, author of 4 bestselling grandparenting books and writer of nearly 400 articles on family relationships. Whether you’re navigating long-distance grandparenting, blended families, or just want to deepen your bond with your grandchildren, you’ll find practical, actionable advice here.

BUILDING DEEPER BONDS WITH YOUR GRANDCHILDREN

Why Connection Matters

The relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is unique. You’re not the parent – you have the freedom to be the mentor, the storyteller, the safe harbor. But building that bond takes intention.

Research shows that grandchildren with close grandparent relationships have:

  • Better emotional resilience
  • Stronger sense of family identity
  • Higher self-esteem
  • Better coping skills during family transitions

How to Connect Across Generational Gaps

The 30, 40, or 50-year age difference between you and your grandchildren can feel like a canyon. But it doesn’t have to be.

Start with their world, not yours. Ask about their interests – their games, their music, their friends, their worries. Listen more than you talk. Show genuine curiosity, not judgment.

Learn one thing they care about deeply. If they love video games, learn the basics. If they’re into TikTok, ask them to show you. You don’t have to become them – you just have to show you care enough to try.

Activities That Create Lasting Memories

The best grandparent moments aren’t expensive. They’re intentional.

  • Cook together – let them choose the recipe
  • Start a tradition – monthly video calls, annual trips, weekly phone calls
  • Work on a project together – build something, plant a garden, create art
  • Tell stories – about their parent as a child, about family history, about your own life
  • Play games – board games, card games, outdoor games
  • Take walks and talk – some of the best conversations happen while moving

 

The key: consistency beats perfection. A monthly phone call your grandchild can count on matters more than a lavish once-a-year visit.

NAVIGATING MODERN FAMILY CHALLENGES

Respecting Boundaries While Staying Involved

This is the hardest part of modern grandparenting. Your adult child is the parent. Your job is to support, not override.

  • Ask before giving advice – “Can I share what I’ve learned?” goes a long way
  • Respect their parenting choices, even if you’d do it differently
  • Don’t criticize their partner or ex-partner to the grandchildren
  • Follow their rules about screen time, bedtime, discipline
  • Offer help without expecting gratitude or control

The grandparent who respects boundaries stays in the grandchild’s life. The one who doesn’t gets cut off.

Dealing with Divorce and Blended Families

If your adult child is divorced, you’re navigating new territory. Your grandchildren may have step-siblings, step-grandparents, and competing loyalties.

  • Reassure your grandchildren that the divorce is not their fault and not about them
  • Don’t badmouth the other parent – your grandchildren love them too
  • Maintain your relationship even if you see them less often
  • Be kind to the ex-spouse and their new partner – your grandchildren benefit
  • Acknowledge all the grandparents in their life – there’s room for everyone

Your consistency and love matter more than how often you see them.

Long-Distance Grandparenting Tips

If you’re far away, you’re not alone. Many grandparents navigate this.

  • Schedule regular video calls – same day/time each week if possible
  • Send surprise packages – books, small gifts, handwritten letters
  • Create a shared photo album online – stay updated on their lives
  • Plan annual visits – something they can look forward to
  • Use technology creatively – watch movies together online, play online games, read books together via video

Distance doesn’t have to mean disconnection.

LEAVING A LASTING LEGACY

Sharing Family Stories and History

Your grandchildren are living history. They’re the keepers of family stories that will outlast you.

  • Record your voice telling family stories – they’ll treasure this forever
  • Write down family recipes with the stories behind them
  • Create a family tree and share it with them
  • Tell them about their ancestors – where they came from, what they overcame
  • Share photos and explain who’s in them and why they matter

These stories are your legacy. They answer the question: “Where did I come from?”

Teaching Values Without Lecturing

Grandchildren don’t remember lectures. They remember how you made them feel and what you modeled.

  • Live your values visibly – kindness, integrity, resilience
  • Answer their questions honestly, even the hard ones
  • Share your mistakes and what you learned
  • Show them how you handle disappointment, failure, loss
  • Let them see you care about people and causes

Values are caught, not taught.

Creating Traditions That Outlast You

A tradition is something they can pass on to their own grandchildren someday.

  • An annual camping trip or beach visit
  • A holiday tradition unique to you two
  • A recipe you make together
  • A book you read together each year
  • A conversation you have on their birthday

These become the fabric of their childhood. They become “what we do with Grandpa/Grandma.”

GRANDPARENTING IN THE DIGITAL AGE

Using Technology to Stay Connected

Technology isn’t the enemy – it’s a tool. Use it.

  • FaceTime or Zoom calls let you see their faces
  • Group chats keep you in their daily lives
  • Photo sharing apps let you stay updated
  • Video messages feel more personal than texts
  • Online games let you play together across distance

Social Media Dos and Don’ts

  • DO ask permission before posting photos of them
  • DO respect their privacy – don’t share their personal information
  • DON’T comment on every post like you’re stalking them
  • DON’T use outdated slang or try too hard to be cool
  • DO follow them and engage genuinely with what they share

Video Calls, Texting, and Staying in Touch

  • Schedule video calls – they work better than surprise calls
  • Keep texts short and genuine
  • Send them memes or funny videos occasionally
  • Ask about their day – and actually listen to the answer
  • Remember details they tell you and ask about them next time

RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

Neil Taft’s Grandparenting Books

  1. Caring Grandparents – Grandparents Caring ABOUT Grandchildren | Grandparents Caring FOR Grandchildren

  2. Good To Great Grandparenting – A Guide to Lasting Meaningful Connections with Your Grandchildren

  3. Your Grandparent Rights – How to protect your relationship with your grandkids

  4. No Greater Loss – The Guidebook to Today’s Grandparents Rights

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