Yes! & Yes!
Please don’t throw tomatoes and rotten eggs at me until you read this post through. Then you may still want to throw them but I don’t think so.
I continually state that the whole purpose of my commitment to this issue is “The best interest of the children”. That takes care of the first Yes. To the extent that we continue to put this debate on the table I promise you the children will benefit. I have learned this week that the Supreme Court is considering taking another look at Grandparents Visitation Rights. Regardless of the outcome of this ruling it is good for the children to have adults exerting all this effort on their behalf. I have included a link at the bottom of this post to the latest information about this development. I also believe that it is good for the children to have significant adults, other than parents, looking out for their best interest. I am crystal clear on parents rights for FIT parents, however, sadly not all parents are operating at that level. In these cases the grandparents are the best hope to raise awareness and ultimately be there to rescue the kids if necessary. Let me repeat, this is not a contest between Parents and Grandparents it is clearly a hightened awareness of the childrens rights to all the love they can get and deserve.
The second Yes stems from the fact that the family structure has been going through some fundamental changes over the past decades and the simple black and white interpretation of the Constitution is not serving the folks it was originally intended to serve.. Our founding fathers showed extraordinary wisdom in granting fit parents the rights and responsibilities of raising their children in the manner they think best. I have and do agree with that 100%. The rub comes in parents trying to live up to the FIT part of that declaration in today’s world. The biggies that challenge them are; Divorce, Drug abuse and incarceration. I think it is safe to say that these were not considered biggie in the mid 1700’s. Add to that the mobility of our society, the longevity of our grandparents, etc.
Now you can commence throwing if you wish. Since knowledge is power here is the link that I promised. http://www.menslegal.com/blog/entry/us-supreme-court-to-announce-soon-if-it-will-hear-case-regarding-grandparent-visitation-rights.html.
My hope for you is Great-Grandparenting. NEIL
One of the tenets of my Dale Carnegie training is that we should speak in…
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Just got sued by Grandma. She was violating boundaries and we had to intervene so she probably did a little research and found your website. We just spent thousands of dollars in court, our relationship with her has been destroyed, and I don't sleep at night. Just wanted to drop a line and say hi. Keep up the good work. Funny thing was that our fitness as parents was never questioned. We're stable middle class parents. Apparently that doesn't matter. You can be fit parent and still be subject to court intervention overruling a parental decision. You should write a book about people like us. That might be more useful.
Just wanted to drop a line and say hi. Keep up the good work. That's sarcasm.
Hi Mike,
Thanks for your comment.
Not knowing any of the circumstances I can honestly say that I am sorry for you all for your pain, the grandchildren for the loss of some love in their lives and grandma for this missed opportunity to find another solution. I say that with the conviction that all of this has added no additional love to the grandchildren. If you read all of my writing my sole intention is to make all of this about the children. I am not so naive that I don't realize that there can be bad acting on either side of this issue. Beginning on page one of my book I wrote, "The reality of life is that it is complicated. The reality of family life is that it is a multiple of complicated and the reality of extended family is that it is exponentially complicated.
Grandpa NEIL
While I do think that Grandparents can be important in a child's life, there is a whole subset of grandparents who feel it is their RIGHT to overstep boundaries, go against parents wishes, and undercut the authority of their adult child in their child's lives.
Do I think there are crummy unfit parents? Sure. I also think their are overbaring unfit grandparents, where is the judicial oversight for them?
Hi Sarah,
You and I are on the same page. In all of my writing you will find that my guiding principle is that it is all about the children. My hope is always that no family gets to the point of invoking grandparents rights. I read lots of case studies and court cases and there are times when the grandparents involvement is the grandkid's only life line. It is a difficult subject or we wouldn't even be having this conversation.
Thanks for your comment. GrandpaNEIL
I am having an extremy hard time with not being allowed to see my four year old Grand daughter. I co-raised her for four years while my teenaged daughter finished high school. We also babysat for her so she could date. Now she has met this guy and he wont let me see my grand daughter and my daughter goes along with it because she doesnt want him mad. He goes to the Dr every day to take his methadone and she and my grand daughter are in the car with him!! My daughter has lost a lot of weight and i worry about both of them. I dont know what to do. Its not right having your heart ripped out of your chest over a guy.
I have a court date for visitation to see my granddaughter,and i really dont know what to expect. I love her so much and wish that we didnt have to go,but i cant give up now. could you give me some insight.