Grandparents visitation is not always guarenteed

Here we are just merrily skipping down the wonderful path of grandparenthood. Ain’ t life wonderful? We see and/or talk with our grandkids on an average of every 2 weeks according to AARP’s 2000 study on grandparents. We throw in a sleepover now and then, maybe a few days spent together while they are on summer vacation. I like to think of this as “Eating the icing on the cake of life as it should be”. These grandangels bring and leave behind heaping portions of joy and fun. As if that was not enough, this interaction allows us to contribute substantially to their development, education and well being. Life is really, really good ………..until.

Until there is trouble in the parents relationship. Most people say, no not in our family. Well the present divorce rate is right at 50%. Bad odds. There is a chance that during this upheaval in the family unit that your ability to visit your grandchildren may be in peril. But, you say, we have been so much a part of the kids lives that surely it is a grandparents right to continue to see their grandchildren. Maybe. Why, you ask, would I say such a terrible and scary thing like that? Because it is true. Actually it would be more accurate to say probably not instead of maybe since many states have no grandparents rights legislation and others have vague and limited laws when it comes to this issue. Each state is markedly different, some will startle and anger you by what seems so obvious and is profoundly important to every member of the nuclear and extended family members.

I realize it is hard to see how a logical person would think the answer was easy. Let me take a stab at some factors that enter into the process when it comes to grandparents rights.

Constitutionally the parents rights are protected and are clearly superior which is just as it should be.

Divorces get really, really emotional around custody/visitation issues.

A child’s well being is the only and ultimate goal of the outcome, yet their wishes may or may not become part of the decision making process due to age and/or their fear of alianating or appearing disloyal to one parent.

Those are only 3 of many factors that influence the process and outcome of these proceedings. I could add many more but I don’t want this to be all gloom and doom. Fortunately in many states there are a few things you can do to enhance the well being of your grandchildren during this difficult time and also increase your chances for a better outcome for you.

First and foremost, BEFORE any relationship surprises, learn all that you can about grandparents rights in your state.

In the event of a breach in the parents marriage DO NOT practice alienating behavior in any way shape or form. Now I realize how hard this can be but if this goes to court or mediation I can guarantee you that it WILL be held against you.

It is paramount that your goal and single purpose is the best interest of the child no matter how you are feeling about one or both of the parents. I know that could probably have gone unsaid but when your own child is in the line of fire you will find it very hard to separate emotion from logical rational behavior. I like the saying “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing”.

Finally, there are resources. Organizations such as AARP and GRO (Grandparents Rights Organization) are a couple of groups advocating for us.

Please be well and happy. NEIL