GRANDPARENTS RIGHTS THE SMART WAY

As grandparents we have come a long way in the quest to create an atmosphere that allows our grandchildren the maximum of love and support in the extended family structure.  The good news is that in most cases Grandparents do get to visit with and be a part of their grandkids lives without having to exert their grandparents rights, and that is mutually beneficial for everyone in the family.  In addition we are getting closer to my own guiding principal that everything we do as grandparents must be in THE BEST INTEREST OF THE GRANDCHILD.  I want to suggest some best practices for SMART Grandparenting to enhance and increase our time with our grandchildren.

The reason grandparents rights and responsibilities are so loaded with the potential for misdirected emotions and/or misinterpreted comments is that by it’s very nature family has history.  Couple that with the misguided unwillingness of us to allow our own children the experience of parenting without our (sometimes less than) divine wisdom, micro management and constant input. The great teacher and motivator Jim Rohn once said “Be careful not to weigh Sincerity on Truth scales and Truth on Sincerity scales”.   So while done with the best of intentions some input on our part may miss the intended mark.  Much more on this later.

This history/family legacy is mostly good but in some cases there are some things that persist in the family that can only be termed “baggage”.  The severity of that baggage will dictate the path to resolving or coping with the real or perceived issues.  That is a subject for many volumes and hours of discussion.  For what I am addressing here it is sufficient just to put on the table the idea that there are some things that are emotionally loaded in every family.

Why do I bring this up?  Life is happening now and even if we can and are willing to solve any past issues the children shouldn’t have to wait for all that to happen.  It is my hope that we operate in the NOW and provide more love and support to our grandchildren and leave the “perfect family unit” for the Kenny Rodgers Christmas Special.  I do think we need to constantly work on our family unity and growth but let us not wait until all the planets are aligned to begin.

I am old and I have spent the past three years researching this subject so I have a longer range point of view about the operations of the family than most people do.  I am fully aware of the pressures (external and internal) on parents trying to raise their children.  I can honestly state that in my 67 years I have yet to meet the set of parents that wake up and look each other in the eye and ask “How can we best screw our kids up today?”  Most parents are doing the best they know how to do with what they know and can deal with at the time.  Couple that with the fact that child rearing has changed (for better or worse) since you and I had that enormous responsibility.  One more coupling before I move on to best practices.  Our founding fathers wisely placed the authority and responsibility squarely on the shoulders of the parents.

I find that the best advice comes from within so I will present my best practices as question.

Who is the most important person in this parent/child/grandparent situation?

How much do you want to pay to be right?

How important is the past in relation to the present?

What is your goal for; the family, your grandchild and you?

What do you know about Grandparents Rights?

That should keep your mind busy for a while.  I hope you will really ponder and be honest in your responses to these questions.  I urge you to write them down and date your answers.  History has taught that the answers will change over time.

My wish for you is Great-Grandparenting.  Grandpa NEIL