GOOD GRANDPARENTING

If you are reading this article, you already qualify as a Good Grandparent.

Being a Good Grandparent requires, among other characteristics, being intentional. I have said many times before in these articles it is most valuable when you meet your Grandchildren where they are. It is the old adage, speak with them, not at them. They may not remember what you say, but they will remember how you make them feel. When in doubt, lead with love. But being a good grandparent takes more than just love. It takes time, patience, and a willingness to learn.

Here are some important ways of helping them realize how special and important they are to you.

Be truly present with your grandchildren. This is the most important thing you can do.

Put on your “age-appropriate hat” and meet them where they are. Make time, individually, to play with them, read to them, and just talk to them. Set aside all distractions. I call this the “Power of Two.”

Be patient. Grandchildren can be demanding, but it’s essential to be patient with them. Remember that they are still learning and growing. In the patient moments, we can know much about who they are and how to connect more meaningfully with them.

Be flexible. Things sometimes go differently than planned when you’re with your grandchildren. Be flexible and willing to change your plans if necessary. Keep in mind that it is what is in the best interest of your Grandchildren that counts.

Be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Just be yourself and let your grandchildren get to know the real you. When I share stories with my Grands, I don’t sugarcoat them. They need to know that all is not rainbows and sugar plums. There is a bumper sticker that says it well, “STUFF HAPPENS” or something like that.

Be respectful. Respect your grandchildren’s parents and their wishes for their children. Don’t try to impose your own ideas on them. I often ask my kids what they are working on with my Grandchildren. These are very individual human beings that can prosper even more when the adults in their lives are all rowing in the same direction. It is valuable to my Grandkids to know that their parents and I care enough to talk about them all the time. It also cuts down on them “playing us.”

What makes a good grandparent? It's a question that matters - because the grandparent-grandchild relationship is one of the most powerful forces in a family. Unlike parents, grandparents have the unique freedom to be mentors, storytellers, and a steady presence without the daily pressure of raising children. According to Neil Taft, author of four grandparenting books and founder of Caring Grandparents, being a good grandparent comes down to four core qualities: showing love and affection, offering consistent support, sharing guidance and wisdom, and being fun and fully present. Master these, and you'll build a bond that lasts a lifetime.

There is no one definition of a good grandparent. But some of the qualities that make an excellent grandparent include:

1

Show Love and Affection

Grandparents who show consistent love and affection create a foundation of security that grandchildren carry with them for life. This means more than saying "I love you" - it means showing up, being present, and making each grandchild feel uniquely seen and valued.

Spend dedicated one-on-one time with each grandchild. Listen without interrupting. Celebrate their wins, no matter how small. When grandchildren feel genuinely loved by their grandparents, they develop stronger self-esteem, greater resilience, and a deeper sense of belonging.

2

Offer Consistent Support

Grandparents occupy a unique position in a grandchild's life - they are a safe harbor. Unlike parents, grandparents aren't the ones enforcing bedtimes or checking homework. That freedom creates space for a different kind of trust.

Be the person your grandchildren can come to when they're struggling - without fear of judgment. Show up during difficult moments: a hard school year, a friendship falling apart, a big life transition. You don't always need to have the answers. Sometimes being there is enough.

3

Share Guidance and Wisdom

Grandparents have something no one else in a grandchild's life has: decades of lived experience. Use it - but use it wisely. The most effective guidance doesn't come in the form of lectures. It comes through stories, questions, and honest conversations.

Share your own mistakes as freely as your successes. When grandchildren see that you've navigated failure and come out the other side, it gives them permission to do the same. Ask them what they think before telling them what you think. Guidance lands deepest when it feels like a conversation, not a correction.

4

Be Fun and Fully Present

Joy is one of the most powerful gifts a grandparent can give. Play games. Tell stories - especially the embarrassing ones. Say yes more than you say no. Let your grandchildren teach you something for a change.

Being fun isn't about being a pushover or trying to act young. It's about being genuinely engaged. Put the phone down. Turn off the TV. Give your grandchild your full attention and let them lead. This is what Neil Taft calls the "Power of Two" - and it's the single most powerful thing you can do to build a bond that lasts a lifetime.

Being a good grandparent is a beautiful experience. It’s a chance to make a difference in the next generation’s lives and create lasting memories. If you’re lucky enough to be a grandparent, enjoy every minute.

Being a good grandparent isn't about perfection - it's about intention. Start with one of these four qualities this week. Pick the one that feels most natural to you, and lean into it. Your grandchildren are watching, learning, and remembering every moment you show up for them.

Ready to deepen your grandparenting impact? Read our complete guide: "How to Be a Better Grandparent: The Complete Guide" - packed with actionable strategies, real-world examples, and expert insights from Neil Taft.