Grandfathers are an essential part of the family. Sometimes, we are loud and want to be the group's Mick Jagger or Roger Daltrey. Other times, we are very comfortable being the quiet bass or rhythm guitarist, keeping the band and the songs moving forward but not drawing much attention to ourselves.
Whatever your style is of being a cool grandpa, our granddaughters need us to provide support and encouragement. Based on my extensive study of grandfathers, four types of wisdom, love, and encouragement mean the world to our granddaughters.
If you don't believe me, just check out some of my episodes where I ask grown granddaughters what made them feel loved and encouraged by their grandfathers.
"I love you just the way you are."
The first and maybe the most crucial thing a granddaughter needs to HEAR, not just know from her grandpa, is, "I love you just the way you are." Every granddaughter must know she is deeply loved and valued, not for what she achieves but for who she is. This affirmation of love from you builds her confidence and sense of self-worth.
Our granddaughters are overwhelmed by messages of how they are less than perfect and need to change who they are to be beautiful, intelligent, successful, and popular. I don't think this external and internal pressure has changed much since the world started spinning. However, I believe the data today backs this up; the intensity and the volume of that comparative messaging is greater than ever.
As grandfathers, we may not see all this messaging hitting our adolescent and young adult granddaughters. Still, it is coming at them fast and hard, like a middle linebacker seeing an unprotected quarterback. Those few words, "I love you just the way you are." will likely be the gentle reinforcement they need at a critical time in their life.
"You are capable and strong."
The second thing your granddaughter needs to hear from you this week is ”You are capable and strong.” Grandfathers can instill a sense of resilience and independence by pointing out their granddaughters’ abilities in an impactful way, helping them believe in themselves even in challenging times.
In fact, if you want a real-world way to make your statement of how strong and capable they are, take root. I suggest that you involve them in a difficult task or activity. Nothing says more that a person is capable and strong than actually doing something tough and coming out the other side knowing they did something where there was a chance of failure.
One granddaughter I talked with told me how her grandfather ”made” her gather cut bails of hay and then load them into the barn for winter. He put her to work with the boys when she was about twelve. She didn’t care for the work but did it anyway because her grandfather asked her to. She said that by doing that job, she felt more confident about being able to do hard things than ever before. That feeling of being capable and strong helped her as she entered the gauntlet of being a young teenage woman in middle school for the first time.
This next one is significant for our granddaughters, "You can always count on me." Knowing that her grandfather is a steady and supportive presence in her life provides a sense of security and belonging, no matter what happens. Here is the thing with this particular sentiment and promise, you have to build this up over time. You can't just look up one day after not trying to connect with your granddaughter and make this statement. It will ring hollow if you say the words but haven't laid the groundwork for it to be believable.
As parents and grandparents, we are fighting an uphill battle every day to ensure that our daughters and granddaughters know in their bones that we are with them through thick and thin.
As granddaughters get older, they will be getting messages that when life gets hard, there is someone in the online world or someone else who won't let them down. Hopefully, these other sources are good friends, coaches, teachers, mentors, and neighbors who are adding to the love our granddaughter's family provides. Still, oftentimes, these voices are wolves coming to prey on our granddaughters when they are at their most vulnerable.
"You can
always count
on me."
"Follow your dreams, and don't let fear hold you back."
Our granddaughters need to hear this fourth statement from their grandfathers, especially when heading into their teenage and young adult years: "Follow your dreams, and don't let fear hold you back."
Encouraging a granddaughter to pursue her passions and take risks helps to give her the confidence and courage to chase her dreams. Telling her to explore the world, her interests, and her dreams and not to let fear or failures keep her from gaining experience is something we all need to hear from those closest to us from time to time.
The fear of failure is a challenge that we all must face. Still, you, her grandfather, telling her to pursue what makes her heart sing is one of the strongest motivators we can give our granddaughters.
About the Author
Greg Payne is the proud father of two sons and a Cool Grandpa to four fantastic grandchildren. He hosts The Cool Grandpa Podcast, where he interviews grandfathers about how they make their relationships cool. Greg also interviews adult grandchildren about their experiences with their grandfathers and experts in areas important to grandfathers. He has written the award-winning children’s book My Grandpa’s Grandpa. He is married to Karen Mangum and lives with their crazy beagle, Roxy, in Atlanta, Georgia.
It's heartwarming to hear stories of grandparents who, despite facing challenges and distance, manage to…
The experience of loving, even without the desired response, can shape us into more compassionate…
I saw this article and it reminded me that unless a Grandparent or other relative…
No matter where you are in this roller coaster of Grandparents access to their grandchildren…
We would all do better to ask this question in all significant situations in all…
By the time things get to the point of a “Rights struggle” there has been…