Changing the Only Thing We Can Change
As caring grandparents, we find ourselves in both a precarious position and a powerful one. This offers us a real choice in our families, especially our extended families.
Quick Summary
Warm, peer-to-peer tone. Speaks directly to the caring grandparent community. Emphasizes boundaries, parental authority, and intentional grandparenting. Keywords lean into “caring grandparents” language throughout.
The Precarious Position
It is completely understandable to feel anxious watching how parents raise our precious grandkids. Most of us recognize that the parents are doing a pretty good job. But then comes the familiar thought: “Why do they do such and such? We didn’t let them do that in our house.”
First, you deserve credit for being a good parent to your own children. The challenge is that we are not talking about your children anymore. We are talking about the children of your adult child and his or her spouse. You are in new territory, and the rules have changed.
Key truth: You are no longer the head of household. The parents are. And that shift changes everything about how you lead with love.
The Serenity Prayer for Grandparents
Consider these words, written by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr and widely used for inner peace and recovery:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
For caring grandparents, this prayer is not just spiritual wisdom. It is a practical grandparenting strategy. The things we cannot change include the parents’ rules, routines, and decisions in their own home. The thing we CAN change is ourselves: our reactions, our attitude, and the energy we bring into the relationship.
The Powerful Position
Here is the good news. You have the power to create maximum love and influence in the lives of your grandchildren. The most effective path I have seen is by partnering with the parents rather than competing with them.
Give up the lead. The parents are the gatekeepers.
Support their decisions, even when you would do it differently.
Keep the best interests of the grandchildren front and center.
The reward for this kind of intentional grandparenting is extraordinary. When you stop pushing against the current and start swimming with it, your relationship with your grandchildren deepens in ways that conflict never could.
Wishing things were different is not a grandparenting strategy. Choosing love, respect, and partnership is.
The Powerful Position
Here is the good news. You have the power to create maximum love and influence in the lives of your grandchildren. The most effective path I have seen is by partnering with the parents rather than competing with them.
Give up the lead. The parents are the gatekeepers.
Support their decisions, even when you would do it differently.
Keep the best interests of the grandchildren front and center.
The reward for this kind of intentional grandparenting is extraordinary. When you stop pushing against the current and start swimming with it, your relationship with your grandchildren deepens in ways that conflict never could.
Wishing things were different is not a grandparenting strategy. Choosing love, respect, and partnership is.
Thank you for being a caring grandparent.