Changing the Only Thing We Can Change
As caring grandparents, we live in both a precarious position and a powerful one. That tension is real, and it shows up most in our extended families, where roles are often misunderstood and emotions run high.
The Precarious Position
It is natural to feel uneasy watching how parents raise our grandchildren. Most of the time, we recognize they are doing a good job. But the old reaction still surfaces: why do they do that? We never would have allowed that in our house.
Here is the honest truth: you are not dealing with your children anymore. You are dealing with the children of your adult child and his or her spouse. That is new territory, and it calls for a different kind of wisdom.
A Timeless Reminder
The Serenity Prayer says it well:
Written by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, it has guided generations through exactly this kind of tension. In grandparenting, the principle is the same. What the parents decide for their children is not ours to control. Accepting that is not weakness. It is wisdom.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
The Powerful Position
Here is the encouraging part: grandparents still hold tremendous influence. The grandparents who have the greatest impact are the ones who choose partnership over control.
The ask is simple, even if it is not always easy: give up the lead. The parents are the gatekeepers. When grandparents work with them instead of around them, the relationships grow stronger and the grandchildren benefit most.
Wishing things were different is not a grandparenting strategy. Keeping the grandchildren’s best interests at the center is.
I recently completed a book to help grandparents put this into practice with real tools for building a stronger family partnership. Because that is the work worth doing, and you are already showing up for it.