The
Answer
The simple answer is……LOTS. How much? It depends on several things, such as their age, the quality of your relationship, the quality of your questions, etc. But most importantly, it depends on your openness and communicating your absence of judgment. My experience is that they have a lot of “Judges” already.
Let's take those one at a time. Age; The exciting part of Grandparenting is that you get a front-row seat to watch these amazing miracles grow and develop. Mine are teens and up, so my conversations will differ from those with young Grandchildren. I was always successful with the young ones by reading a Dr. Seuss book now and then. Note; I just heard a Lady give her full (meaningful and wisdom-filled) College commencement address, densely packed with quotes from Dr. Suess. My other experience with the kids, when they were small, was creating tags they would remember for years. One such tag was that when it came time to go, I always left with "See you later, Alligator." They eventually would come back with "After While Crocodile," and we began making some up. I remember one was, "See you soon, Baboon." Silly, maybe, but effective, but all these years later, they still remember and smile when I remind them of those times. With the little ones, I was famous for my "Upside down hugs." When they were small, I would slowly grab them by the arm, pick them up and slowly rotate them to the upside-down position. By now, they are giggling. While I did this, I would ask them, "Do you know what Grandpa Neil Loves about you?' While shaking them up and down, I enthusiastically say, "Everything." Two things about this method: Wait to try it right after eating, and you will have to give it up when they get older, or maybe you get older. Some 15 years later, none of them ever forgot these hugs.
Your relationship will be significantly enhanced if you meet them right where they are and less where you are. I am a constant student of what is happening in my Grandkids’ lives. One of the best sources of information is their parents. As an aside, if the kids know you all are talking about them, a ton of good stuff comes from that. One is that they feel important, and the bonus is that they tend to behave differently if they know you are paying close attention.
An equal source of info is the kids themselves. Depending on how close you are to them, you can always go to the safe question of “Tell me about your best friend.” Some are lucky enough to sit around the table and listen. For those that are a little shy, you can always ask them to help you with your phone. It works every time. Asking for help is a winner, winner chicken dinner.
If you apply yourself to do the above things, you should be armed with enough information to ask quality questions. The ole “How’s school?” doesn’t do a lot for growing a relationship, and it tends to get you a one-word answer.
It is in your hands to move your relationships from Good to GREAT with each of your Grandkids. You will learn a lot from them with a little effort.
Thanks for being a Caring Grandparent.
One of the tenets of my Dale Carnegie training is that we should speak in…