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The very first book I wrote was titled "No Greater Loss." That was almost 15 years ago now. I hoped that with awareness and education, we would begin to slow this silent crisis of Grandparents being Alienated or restricted from seeing their Grandchildren. The sad fact is that the rate at which these devastating family fractures are happening has increased at an alarming rate.
How did this happen?
The burning question I get asked most is, "How did this happen?" How can well-meaning Grandparents and well-meaning parents get so far apart on this journey of raising our Grandkids? As you can imagine, the answer to that question is beyond complicated and varies in every case of complicated extended family relationships. I do have two clues to share. The first is my answer to Jack Canfield about the most common misperception that Grandparents have.
My answer was, "Grandparents often think that Grandparenting will come naturally. Some think it is kind of like falling off a log." That may be true for some tiny minority of Grandparents, but for the rest of us, you should know that learning and intentionality are the keys to success with our Grandchildren.
Like life in general, there are no free lunches regarding quality connections with our Grandkids. However, there is a tremendous amount of Joy to be had, but it only follows our paying close attention, meeting our Grandchildren where they are, and applying our own brand of Intentional Love and Caring.
The second clue comes from my research into parents' concerns about their Grandparents.
In a recent AARP article I read, parents reported their top three most common areas of disagreement with Grandparents about Grandchildren, according to a new poll are; 57 percent said discipline, 44 percent said meals and snacks, and 36 percent said screen time. This is a hopeful place to start both parents and Grandparents on a path to understanding some significant points of difference to hone in on. It is instructive to realize that the six most significant people operating from the best of intentions in a child's life can be this far apart in these three areas.
Two mainly well-intentioned groups of people with the same desire for the best interests of these children that are that far apart indicate that we have what was succinctly stated in an old movie: "What we have here is a failure to communicate." A disconnect that is getting worse as time passes. I said elsewhere in this book that there are some significant sociological reasons for this disconnect, but I want to find a path to reversing this trend. One path to this reversal is a shift in the paradigm of Parent/Grandparent responsibilities and a ton of education and communication.
Solutions to such an enormous and significant challenge take work. My contribution is that I have written a book called "GOOD TO GREAT GRANDPARENTING," which is full of best practices to avoid the avoidable. This September, I am publishing a second book, "CARING GRANDPARENTS," which furthers that cause and includes Part 2, which deals with what to do if things come entirely off the rails in your family.
There are some very impressive folks working to help with the Reconciliation of fractured families. One of the best sources is the Grandparents Academy: Grandparentsacademy.com. They sponsor a Reconciliation Summit each year, and the founder of that Academy, Aaron Larsen, is a reconciliation coach.
Thank you for being a Caring Grandparent.