It’s all about the child

For many reasons there is a groundswell of interest around grandparents rights versus parents rights. The Supreme Court of the United States of America has chimed in about Parents rights and 45 states have passed legislation having to do with Grandparents rights. There are 77,400,000 web sites dealing with parents rights and 2,130,00 about Grandparents rights.

In short, there is as lot of interest when it comes to these rights and most have to do with staking out their own position. The good news is that in most families this is exactly the way things play out, even though the divorce rate hovers around 50%. But in the families where harmony is not the norm we find people in courtrooms all over the country trying to assert their rights instead of what is necessarily best for the children.

As a Caring Grandparent I submit that the framing and understanding of this issue is way off. The focus is way off. The positioning is way off. There is no either-or posture that makes any sense when we are dealing with the lives of our children.. There is no room for self interests when it comes to our kids and grandkids future happiness. It is our responsibility as Grandparents and Parents to offer each new miracle that we have brought into this world enough love and nurturing to live a rich and fulfilling life.

My definition of a Caring Grandparent: “One who has the wisdom and love to look past the emotion, hurt and pride that surrounds so many family unit fractures and keep the grandchild’s best interest as the ONLY objective“. This also provides an example to our own child and his or her spouse that in the heat of the moment “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing”. Kids first and foremost.

This is not some diatribe by an old Pollyanna, I read court case after court case and talk with many parents and grandparents having to do with custody/visitation disputes and it breaks my heart. Life is complicated and not even nearly fair, however my sadness is not near as important as the fact that it usually breaks more than the child’s heart, it impairs their sense of self and clouds their sense of stability. The most troubling cases have to do with Parents and Grandparents that are trying to assert their egos and pride ahead of the best interest of the kids. Many times the kids are used as pawns and get caught up in alienating behavior or spying and telling requests. I refer to this as “Beating each other over the heads with the kids as an instrument. In many cases the disfunctions are drugs, alcohol, incarceration, abuse in its many forms, I could go on and on, my point is that in and of themselves each of these issues has their own problem solutions, HOWEVER, we can’t let all of this tragedy become more important than the children.

As Caring Grandparents we may be the key to this child centered focus. The first step is to become aware and insert your positive influence where ever you can.

Please be well and happy. NEIL