Sometimes, in our zeal to connect with our Grandkids and be their “Buddies,” we knowingly or mistakenly circumvent what their parents are trying to do. I have one advice for any Grandparent who encounters a situation that can be misconstrued: DON’T.
I attended the IFI (International Fabricare Institute) many years ago while building my Dry Cleaning Store. The instructor told the following tale. In Italy, if you come across the sign of an old Dry Cleaning establishment, you may see in the corner of their signage the word “Sincera.” Translated into English, it is “Sincere.” Years ago, the dyes used in Silk Garments were unstable, and Silk Garments had great value. One shortcut unethical cleaners used to cover their mistakes (taking the color out with the spot) was pastel chalk. Hence, the following cleaner would have a spot void of color no matter how careful He/She was. Hang in there with me. I promise this is going somewhere. I believe one of my teachers, Jim Rohn, once said, “You can’t necessarily weigh truth on sincerity scales.” Let me bring this home with the point that no matter how sincere and well-meaning you may be, it is not alright to act contrary to your parent’s wishes regarding your Grandchildren.
I make it a habit to let the Grands listen when I ask their parents about the ground rules for food, bedtime, treats, etc. It sends a message to my Grandchildren that we all Love them enough to sing from the same hymnal. I would be lying if I feigned a lack of Joy when my kids say, “We trust your judgment.”
Another area that parents only sometimes get their due is not being asked to be the source of knowledge regarding what is going on in their children’s lives. This comes in super handy when dealing with pre-teens and teens. I can hold a much more meaningful conversation with my grandkids when I know some of what they are going through.
The only appropriate posture for Grandparents is in a support role. Even if they ask for advice, be sure they really want it and then deliver with every bit of respect and understanding you can muster.
Thank You for being a Caring Grandparent.